ah i havent posted for...gosh such a long time...u people are gona think this would be a YAY ME cheery post or sth but no. sad to disappoint you guys, im only here to rant today. r-a-n-t rant. RANT. quite peeved right now. so if u dun wana listen to some long chunk of vulgarities and insults, u can come back the nx tym i post :D
ever felt so pissed and helpless and sad and frustrated that you really wana strangle someone? that's how im feeling right now. someone makes you feel wanted, loved, gives you attention, make your heart soar and sink at the same time. how can someone have so much power over another? they tell you sweet and seemingly true things and cause you to be utterly besotted again. over and over again promises are broken. but everything they said seemed so sincere, their apologies straight from their heart, you just couldn't stay angry at them. then one day you realise, there is no trust between both of you. you can trust him with all your heart, but its one-sided. always had been always will be. just one second, and you snowball world of self-deluding fantasy is broken. what a fucked up thing.
you know i quite idolise taylor swift now. she's a genius with an awesome voice. "when you're fifteen, somebody'll tell you they love you, and you're gona believe it." yea i did. and when was it? oh yes when i was fifteen. correction. when i AM still fifteen. can't believe how easy it was to trip me. just a few nice words and tadah! nobelle's a fool. you say sorry. everytime something happens you say sorry. i ask you to be careful and you tell me you're touched. you say thank you. i thought you were being polite, nice, the best. i really thought so. now i know better. isn't that just a nicer way of saying "yeah really thanks for being a busybody." or "i knew saying sorry would solve the problem. so let's just do it again!" do you know what i want? i don't want a sorry, i don't want a thank you. i want neither. what i want of you is to fucking mean what you say. to not do something if you know you're gona have to apologise for it later. to not thank me as curtesy but thank me deep and true from your heart. if you're gona treat me like any other bitch you see on the road, don't tell me i'm special, don't tell me i'm important, don't EVER say i'm the crux of your life. you think you're writing some composition? well you're not. your flowery language is just a facade to hide that nasty part of you isn't it? thank you? no don't thank me. don't thank me for everything. for every second. cause you know what? it meant nothing to you. if you can throw it down so easily for some weird rumor that you heard, then don't ever pretend that i mean SHIT to you. how long was it? just one day. one pathetic day and i hear about some other girl flirting around you 24/7. even your brother agrees. had you ever meant even 1% of what you said to me? i think not.
the worst thing was i actually believed you. this was what made this suck so bad. you now what? in the end it's all my fault. i never should have believed you. i promised myself not to believe anyone. i promised. and yet you made me break that promise. only you were able to do that. and why? i have no fucking idea. i should never ever have believed you. i knew it would end this way, but you constantly pumped hope into this screwed up mind of mine. it's okay though. i've learnt it the hard way for the last time. i will never, ever, trust anyone besides my same gendered besties. 2 months and it's still hard. but you were able to do it in a few days, i will be able to do it too. and i swear to you, the next time i'll be harder than steel.
PFFT. FUCKED UP . gosh i need to bowl. or kickbox. DESPERATELY.
